Have you ever been told who you would become? As a child, did seeds of identity get sown into you? Were they good seeds? Were they bad seeds? TRUE seeds?
Growing up, seeds were sown in me. Some were good, some were bad, some were true, and some were not.
And when false seeds are sown, oh how sneaky they can be.
I’m not who they said I would be.
Who They Said I Would Be
You see, they said I would be a good wife. Gentle and meek. Encouraging and supportive. A good mom. Made to be one in fact. I would be gentle. I would be so good at keeping a house. Being a mom would just be easy for me. I would LOVE to cook and clean and make everything beautiful. In fact, I was told I probably wouldn’t be a missionary overseas because I would be a stay at home mom.
And so, I believed the seed. I geared myself for these things. I eagerly prayed for my husband and imagined the days when I would bear the children God gave me. What would their names be? How many would I have?
The life I imagined as a young girl was so blissful and easy. Everyone affirmed over and over again how great I would be as a wife and a mom, so that’s what I believed.
I am NOT that
At this point in my story, you might be thinking: so? What’s the problem with that? Doesn’t God instruct us to be good wives and mothers? Isn’t that important to Him?
My answer: YES! Of course He does, and yes it is! Those are such important things! And I’m grateful that I grew up knowing they are important, and aspiring to what is important to God.
But you see, when I became a wife and when I became mother, I found that what they said I would be just wasn’t a reality.
As a young married woman in my first year of marriage, I found that I wasn’t as gentle as they said. I had a stubborn fight in me that came out in ways I never imagined.
I was told that because of my personality it would be easy to follow my husband. The reality? I discovered that I am FIERCELY INDEPENDENT.
Life as a married woman wasn’t so simple and straightforward. It was complex and it brought to the surface truths about who I was that I never imagined I would discover.
And in motherhood? I discovered that I am not as patient as they said I would be.
The duty of it all was not as easy for me as I was convinced it would be. And motherhood has revealed more and more things that need to be refined.
Who I am
While the reality is that I did not live up to the things people said of me, I’m actually okay with that. Why? Because God is doing something MORE in me.
I see now that I placed so much hope in becoming the perfect wife and the perfect mom. And while aspiring to do my best in those areas is good, it is NEVER okay to find our hope and identity in anything other than God Himself. I am not defined by my title as wife or mother but by my title as daughter. And my Father is patiently shaping me to be what He wants me to be.
And as He does so, I’m discovering something amazing. When I thought about being a “good wife” and a “good mother” I had a very specific idea of what that looked like. But guess what? I’m learning that my mothering style is very different than I once thought. The ways that I love and interact with my husband are different than I excpected. AND THAT’S OKAY! Even though I don’t do things the same as I once imagined, I can still be a good wife and a good mother.
In fact, God chose ME for my family. So as I discover more about my identity, I am becoming the mother and wife they need…. not the one I thought I should be.
Can you relate? Maybe you didn’t quite live up to what they said you would be. Or maybe the identity seeds sown in you were negative, and you have to choose to believe a better thing about yourself. Whatever your story is know that God is your Maker. He is the only one who gets to tell you who you are.
You aren’t who they said you would be. You are far more.
** Part 2 is all about Body Image. Check it out!!**